I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
