You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
