your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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