i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
