period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I could fuck to npr.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
