Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
