I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
