Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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