I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
