I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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