true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
