The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
