you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
