I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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