I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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