Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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