mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
