my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
