Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
as a side note pls kill me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
