I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
