you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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