No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
