he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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