Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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