I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
