dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
