one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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