so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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