My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
