Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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