There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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