I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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