im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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