i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
