Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
