I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
