I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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