I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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