In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
