On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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