I hope mine doesn't look like that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
