Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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