Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
