Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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