Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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