I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They have beer where we have blood.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
