I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do herpes really smell.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
