So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
