True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
