I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
