I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
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He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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