so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize