You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
handjob tips. give me some.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
