dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
