See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
