If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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