So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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