Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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