The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
bring money and cleavage
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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