Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
